I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
