i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
