I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
