that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
