the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
