I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
