He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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