i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The Olympian is in my bed
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
