also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
