you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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