I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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