You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
