You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
