Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
