But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
