We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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