so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
