I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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