Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
