i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
