I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
