i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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