Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I deserve this hangover.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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