Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
