my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
