My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
