I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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