some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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