I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
