His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
