Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
