I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
