Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i dont even know how to be here
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
