i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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