no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
