no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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