that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
