I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
They took my balls.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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