He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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