The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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