Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
