Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Who did Billy Mays play for?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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