Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
