just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
