We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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