I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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