Already got asked if we're dating
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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