Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
