i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
