if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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