I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
