So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Who put my cat in the fridge?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
