he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is Oprah even human
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
