I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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